Breakups always hurt. You could be a teenager who had her first breakup. You could be a grown-up woman who has been there, done that quite a few times already. But a breakup hurts like it’s your first, every single time. And although you need to go through it to come out of it, it doesn’t always have to be so hard.
How to get over a breakup
Follow the tips given below to ensure that those breakup blues don’t last for too long:
1. Accept that it Happened
Now it can be really hard to accept that the man you thought was the love of your life, has left you. So it’s quite obvious that you will be in denial for the initial few days. You’ll check your phone a hundred times throughout the day, waiting for his text or call. It’ll seem not like a “breakup” but a “break” initially.
But as the days will pass, you’d realize that this time, he is gone and he is not coming back. That is when it will ACTUALLY hit you and that is when you must accept the reality that you, my dear, are a single woman now.
2. Mourn, but not for too Long
The mourning period is important, after all a relationship you invested so much time, efforts and emotions in, just died. But how long should you grieve, depends, on what was the actual reason behind the breakup; what was the duration of your relationship; and most importantly, was he someone who really loved you and respected you as much as you loved and respected him? Do a little introspection to find the answers.
3. Don’t Let Your Breakup Hit your Sense of Self Worth
It’s very much possible that you might be sitting there curled into a goofball on the couch full of self-hate and self-doubt. You might be trying to find faults within yourself, thinking that maybe you didn’t deserve him and all other thoughts of self-loathing will start to hover over your head. Shake them all off!
It’s crucial at this point that you realize that whatever happened wasn’t your fault. He wasn’t happy with you and hence, he would have never made you happy. This is the time when you must have faith that someone better will come to you, in the future.
4. Keep Yourself Busy
It’s essential that you keep yourself as busy and occupied as possible. The reason being, right after a breakup, you must be having all this rage and anger simmering inside of you which must be channelized properly. If you fail to do that, you might end up taking some impulsive decisions that you might regret later. Like, sending hate emails to your ex-boyfriend or drunk calling him and begging him to come back to you.
This is the time that you can utilize to finish that research paper you have been procrastinating to finish. Or you can take up that megaproject at work that was offered to you but you refused because you thought you might not find time for your boyfriend. Or renovate your flat the way you always wanted to but were not able to because your life revolved around work on weekdays and Mr. Ex on weekends.
5. Go on a Solo Trip
Now it’s true that traveling has turned into #travelling and the desire for traveling far and wide and everywhere, into #wanderlust. People have started traveling because “it’s in” and because “it’s trendy”. But this is the time that you must travel somewhere away from your city and daily life because it’s good for your soul.
When a person takes up a journey and travels to a new place, especially when it’s done alone, it can do wonders for the soul. You connect with yourself in a whole new way. You might find a part of you there that you didn’t even know existed, till you find it there. And you might come back as someone who has a better understanding of herself and not just the world out there. So go, find yourself.
6. Time to Prioritize Yourself
It generally happens when you have been with someone for a considerable amount of time, that you start prioritizing him over yourself. It’s okay if you do it some of the times, but if it becomes a permanent feature of your relationship, then it’s a matter of worry.
If a man who was always your first priority but you were never his, then a breakup could do you more good than a continued relationship would ever have done. You can finally prioritize YOURSELF; YOUR ambitions, YOUR dreams, YOUR life.
7. Take Care of Yourself
Sometimes we are so engrossed in taking care of the person we are in love with, that we forget to take care of ourselves. If you are also one such person, then this breakup could be the time that you can use to start taking care of yourself. Start going for a morning jog or an evening run after work. Or enroll yourself in those Cult power workout sessions.
Taking care of your body could help you a great deal, both physically and mentally. There is ample medical proof that when a person exercises, the body releases chemicals called Endorphins. They are also known as “happy hormones” because they trigger a feeling of positivity and calm. After a breakup, we are generally full of negative feelings. If not taken care of, this can escalate into depression and anxiety issues. So a daily workout could help you lose that extra belly fat while also keeping you more stable mentally.
8. Pamper Yourself
Men like a challenge. So when they like a woman, they would do to great lengths to woo her. They would pamper her to no bounds, buying her gifts, complimenting her all the time, taking care of her needs. But once a woman commits to them, the pampering often starts diminishing over time and comes to a standstill after a point. Very few men are able to keep the pampering going, years into the relationship.
But now, you don’t have to sit and wait for a man to pamper you, rather now it’s time to pamper yourself. No one can know what you need at a point in time, better than you. Go buy yourself that dress, or those shoes. If you are feeling low, buy yourself that full body massage session. Buy yourself flowers. Treat yourself to that pasta and hot chocolate at your favorite restaurant.
9. Live by Your Own Rules
A lot of women find themselves trapped in a relationship. They feel dominated and intimidated by the man they are dating. Blame it on the patriarchal society that we live in, or that ingrained sense of superiority that a lot of men suffer from. But most men want the woman they are with, must live by their rules. It could be suffocating and do great harm to your sense of self-esteem. So believe you me, breakup from such a relationship is good riddance.
Live by your own rules now. Rather, you don’t have to even live by rules altogether. Try it. It could be liberating.
10. Go on a “Detox from Dating”
The importance of this point cannot be emphasized enough. Just after a breakup, our immediate response is to find someone else, a replacement, a rebound. This could help momentarily but could be disastrous in the long run. Right now, you don’t need a rebound, you need a reason, and hopping from one man to another to ease the pain, is not being reasonable.
People often say that in desperate times, you got to do what you got to do. But that’s what you cannot be; you cannot be desperate for love. When you are weak and vulnerable and broken, you just need someone to hold you. But instead of a man, find solace in a friend, a family member or your dog, but not in another man.
Go on detox from dating, for at least six months because you are trying to break a habit. That man you were with had turned into a habit and six months is a good enough time to break a habit. It could be longer or shorter than that. But do NOT date another man, until you are sure of your feelings until you are sure that you are ready for another relationship. Until you are sure that you want to be with someone again, not out of need but out of love.
11. Be Enough for Yourself
Now, even if your breakup wounds are still fresh or it has been some time that you and your ex parted ways, feeling of loneliness will haunt you once in a while. You will be high on vulnerability during these moments. But what you do in these moments will be significant. You will have to fight that killing feeling of loneliness. You will have to use the strength from every cell in your body and fight the urge to call him. This is the time when YOU MUST BE ENOUGH FOR YOURSELF.
12. Don’t Let it Turn You into a Bitter Person
You invested so much of yourself into this relationship, loved this man with all your being and he still just threw it away. But don’t let it make you bitter, hateful or vengeful. Keep your calm and dignity intact. If he has betrayed you, karma will take care of it.
13. Let Go
It’s hard. It’s maybe even harder than moving mountains. But you got to let go, my friend. Maybe it was a relationship that had its ups and downs but was mostly blissful. Maybe it was a relationship that was unstable and you have hardly any good memories of it. In any case, it’s over now. It has become a thing of the past. And holding onto something that is in your past, won’t help because it’s already gone.
Let go of the memories. Let go of this person who is not your present, but your past. Also, let go of something you have no control over. Let go, because it’s probably for the best. Let go.
14. If It’s Getting Too Much, Seek Professional Help
We are all humans, trying to be superhumans when we have to deal with our emotions. We would hide it, deny it, laugh it off, drink it off and some would even try to “sleep” it off. Instead, you can choose to do some or all of the things listed here. And if that also doesn’t help, if you feel you are not able to move on, seek professional help WITHOUT SHAME.
We are living in the 21st century, a fast world, a modern world, a more or less developed world. But talking about mental health issues and struggles is still seen as a taboo. If your breakup was too hard on you, seeking counseling and therapy could come to your rescue. Maybe what is bothering you has more to do with some deeper issues undealt with than your breakup. So it’s a good idea if you seek help, talk it out to a psychologist.
15. Remember: This Too Shall Pass
Women might be the weaker sex anatomically but are way stronger than men emotionally. This might feel like the end of the world, but it’s not. Hang in there. Think of this as a phase, and as you know, phases aren’t meant to last.
Relationships are part of life, but they are not all that life is all about. It’s popular opinion that love hurts, but love never hurts. It’s the person who you thought loved you, has hurt you. So take the reign of your life in your own strong hands and be the love of your own life. Till you find someone who is capable enough to share that responsibility with you, effortlessly, unconditionally.